Mixed Emotions…Come-Aparts… Jeremiah29:11
I really feel compelled to write today. I’m not even sure why and I
guess I really don’t have to have a reason. It amazes me that when something is
bugging me or eating at me how writing is like therapy for my soul. I know many
of you read my newsletter each week and I appreciate all the feedback. Today
however, I don’t really want to write about delicious food and all the reasons I
love being a Chef…Today is the eve of my 40th Birthday… It’s weird
because in my mind I had a plan or an idea about what life would be like when
this monumental occasion came to pass… I would already be married… with a bunch
of little Joneses running around … married to the woman of my dreams…running a thriving
restaurant … participating in some kind of awesome ministry...etc.
Isn’t it interesting though that life doesn’t always turn out the way we
planned it… this past week I saw a Facebook post with a picture of the Time
Machine from the 80’s Classic “Back to the Future”. The date that Marty McFly
entered in was this past week in 2012… funny though, if you watch the movie and
see all the predictions for 2012 none of them were very accurate. It echoed my
own thoughts and feelings about how life should be when I turned 40…
Very Inaccurate.
This past week has been pretty hellish for me. I always dreamed of running
a restaurant, and although I love Kairos and all the positive things happening
over the past five years it has also been the hardest thing I have ever tackled
in my life. I have witnessed many miracles along the way of “building relationships
around food” but the obstacles have been incredible. There have been many times that I would have
given up and thrown in the towel if it had not been for all the people who
invested their time and money in this dream of mine. It has been a very
humbling and rewarding experience, but somehow, in my mind, I wonder if it will
ever get an easier.
For some reason finances make me wacky. I trust Jesus in just about
every other area of my life, but for some reason with money and finances I must
honestly say that I do not. For instance, I know that God will protect me. I
have no qualms about this. I am able to walk through any Maximum Security
Prison without fear and encourage those guys. Even when it seems threatening I am
able to laugh it off because I know that Jesus sent me there for a reason, and I
know He won’t let any harm come to me. Maybe I know that because I lived there
once and he proved himself to me in that area of life. So I know that he has my
back. A few years ago I was hit by a drunk driver who was traveling at over 100
mph. I walked away from one of the most horrible things I had ever witnessed
with not even a scratch… If I am sick, or have anything going wrong in my body
I have no problem talking to Jesus about it and time and again He either heals
the problem or shows me what to do. Everytime.
I have had people tell me “James you should write your Testimony…”
Testimony?? Which one? If I tried to write down each and every time that Jesus
has worked a miracle in my life I could write from now until my 80th
birthday and never run out of words…
But then there are all these other areas of my life where I don’t trust
him… Finances…Relationships…Business… Don’t get me wrong I WANT to, but time and
again I find myself frozen…unable to act… defeated.
I had one of those weeks this week where everything that could go wrong
seemed to go wrong. Starting our second location was supposed to be a glorious time…
everything would be wonderful… a dream restaurant… instead it seemed as if
everything was turned upside down and the dream turned into a nightmare…
finances not adding up…Staff not working out… customer expectations for the
Gardendale Location not being met…etc. When I came in on Saturday the
temperature in the Dining Room read 88 degrees… all this from an brand new unit
that we spent thousands of dollars to install…it was under warranty, but still,
they couldn’t get out in time for us to open Saturday night…then on Sunday
(which was supposed to be the first day of a much needed Vacation) I had
customers who needed food…so of course I put my plans off for one day to take
care of their needs… But when I went in to cook their food the oven wouldn’t
heat up… what else can happen??? Oh my, I have learned not to say that, but
somehow I did anyways…
After getting the oven fiasco figured out I bent down in a cooler to
take out some gallons of Kairos Southern Sweet Tea and all at once I pulled a
muscle or something in my back and felt the shots of some very excruciating
pain coursing through my body and bringing me to my knees… What now? I couldn’t
call anybody to help…I’m the only one there and all my Staff are off on
Vacation…it was crazy…my mind was teetering… and then through all of that I
hear the simple words “Praise me.” What?? Dear Lord Jesus I love you but that
is the last thing I want to do when things are falling apart!! When I don’t know
what to do. When I don’t have anywhere to turn. The last thing I want to do is
praise you… but there he was saying it again…
What to do? I gritted my teeth, and through the pain in my body I began
to praise Him, and to thank Him for all the wonderful gifts He has placed in my
life. For Kairos, even though things were a mess, for my Staff, even though we have
a lot of challenges and areas that need change, for my family, even though most
times they drive me crazy…
And right there, in the middle of all that, Jesus showed up and I was
able to feel His Presence in a way that I have never felt before… it was
incredible. And I think I learned something about facing trials and struggles…
the reason it is so hard for me is because when I am frustrated or disappointed
I run from Him instead of running to Him… in the end no matter what is going on
He wants me to be broken before Him, and when I am broken His Presence can fill
my life in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine…
So all that brings me back to today, to the eve of my 40th
birthday… my life is not perfect. As a matter of fact it is very messy… I could
smile and pretend like I’ve got it all together but if I did that I would be
lying… I am not married, even though one of my greatest desires is to have a
family. My heart has been ripped out and broken so many times it’s a wonder
that I even still believe that is possible for me… but somehow I do… not because
of me, but because of Him. Jeremiah 29:11 states that He has a plan for my life
that is good and that His plans will be worked out in the life of James K
Jones. It may not all go according to my plans, but somehow this week I had it
nailed down for me that if I give up my own fantasies of what life should be
like then will be able to walk in His Plan, which is always far superior to my
own plans.
Thank you Jesus for your Amazing Grace. Teach me to be addicted to your
Grace. Thank you for making something out of the mess that is my life. I love
you and I will follow you until the day that this life is over.
James K Jones
Wow, James...even when your not cooking, you still "feed" us...I so appreciate your words. Someone once told me that the reason we are "knocked off our feet", it's God's plan to make us look up to Him for everything we need, which we often do...just after we've tried everything we can do and nothing worked! Get some rest this week! God has your plan all worked out already!
ReplyDeleteI am very proud of your accomplishments thus far, being broken to the holy spirit is what Jesus wants us to be and that is where we recieve the most help from Him. I had an experience last monday that broke me and took me to my knees, then my directv went out, now our AC unit has gone out, seems like bad things happen in 3's. God the father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit also come in 3's. They are much bigger than the little 3's I'm dealing with. Atleast I know I have those 3 to go to. Through the brokeness that I experienced was only a test to see how I was going to handle going thru these catastraphe's in life. I love the Lord, and I believe we are all still learning how to trust Jesus thru different situations in our lives. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI haven't officially met you, but I know you through Doug & Becky Horst. And of course, I've eaten at Kairos a bunch! Let me begin by saying how much I love your honesty. I enjoy reading authentic stories about how God works in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI've been in a similar place myself lately thinking that some of my lifelong desires have not been met. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed and so thankful for what I've been given, but I still have desires that I long to see fulfilled. I recently read John Eldredge's book, Desire, and I was profoundly impacted by it. I'll share a few passages with you.
"Ps. 37:4 'Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.' Only as we truly delight in God is it safe to give us our desires, for then they are not likely to become idols. And by our delighting in God, He heals our false desires as our sould come true in the light of their Maker."
He goes on to talk about surrendering our desires. "This kind of surrender comes only after the night of wrestlilng. It comes only after we open our hearts to care deeply. Then we choose to surrender, or give over, our deepest desires to God. And with them we give over our hearts, our deepest selves. The freedom and beauty and rest that follow are among the greatest of all surprises."
Funny thing, I am seeing one of my lifelong dreams come true now. After waiting 10 years, I start my dream job later this summer and it didn't happen at all like I had planned! It's so much better that what I had planned for myself. I am often encouraged by your Facebook posts. Thanks again for your transparency. I pray He continues to bless you and Kairos!
Treasure Clolinger